Michael Beck Articles ب_ب

2024

5 Must Read Tips for Picking up Women on Campus [Found in “Articles”]

Feeling lonely and touch-deprived on campus? Feeling ugly and weird because no ladies will look your way during class? Don’t worry my friend, we’ve got the exact remedy for your situation to turn you from a brutal soypilled losercell mess of a man to a total Chadmaxxed Turbo Playboy! Here are five surefire ways to pick up women on campus: 

1. Take a shower! If you relate to the previous ‘before’ description you probably smell like shit and should take a shower. Contrary to what you may believe, the ladies do not like when a guy smells like Backwoods and gorilla farts. Brush your teeth while you’re at it–if you can count over 2 cavities from eyesight alone you should give up now! Switch to a computer science major and just hope you can allure the ladies with money because the looks aren’t gonna do it. #Sorry 

2. Learn the lingo! Chicks love when guys understand their language. Here are some common misconceptions that many guys don’t realize: 

a. If she says, “I don’t want to see your collection of banned Family Guy episodes on VHS” it actually means she does want to see it. Whip it out 

b. If she says, “I hate when you randomly reference Family Guy in regular conversation” it actually means she does want you to reference Family Guy in regular conversation. Do it more often 

c. If she says, “Please stop basing your personality and all your jokes on Family Guy, it’s getting old” it actually means she thinks you are really funny! She wants to hear more jokes. Win! 

d. If she says, “You have really bad body odor” she is probably right actually. Check tip #1. Gross! 

3. Be proactive! A common misconception is that remaining relaxed and non-chalant will attract women. That only works for guys who have the certain aura of a European model–you have to be very chalant. Ask where your hug is at. Steal her phone and run around with it. Threaten to jump off a building if she ignores you. Chase her full speed whenever you see her. The ladies love an extrovert! 

4. Revamp your aesthetic! Start smoking cigarettes and become alcohol dependent. Wear straight brim hats that say “OBEY” and work on your Peter Griffin impression. Start posting edits of yourself at the gym to hardstyle remixes of Drake songs. The chicks will come flocking. #BelieveIt 

5. Last but not least: Learn how to face reality! Despite everything previously stated in this article, there is no hope for you! Better luck in the next life pal 

Take these tips to heart (especially #1 and #5) and have fun out there! Go get em tiger