And I can hear the Millennials outside, taunting me with their cries of “hey what’s up you guys” as they livestream the door to my room, biding their time until I run out of food, or willpower…
Read MoreReflection
Sand Between My Toes
Who doesn’t enjoy sitting on a warm, sunny beach and feeling the miniscule grains of the Earth, post-erosion, massaging the very delicate corns of their feet?
Read MoreWhat Is Luge?
You ever heard of this "Luge" shit?
Read MoreWeathered Old Man Who Lives By The Sea "Fucks Heavy" With Ghost In The Shell Remake
The time-haggard man was quoted saying, "Dude, I'm pretty pumped"
Read MoreParty Blackout Allegedly Involved Alcohol-Induced Vomiting, Sbarro’s, And The Commuter Lounge Bathroom
Verbal evidence from my friends and some strangers seems to allegedly suggest that I vomited on a girl, rolled around in some beer, vomited again, and then passed out in the commuter lounge bathroom.
Read MoreDo Not Tell Me The Sky Is The Limit Because I Am An Astronaut
Let me explain something to you, fool.
Read MoreMusic Review: Future's New Album
Future's sixth studio album HNDRXX came out still in the wake of his previous self-titled album. However, the overall sound of HNDRXX reveals itself to be...
Read More6 Spots In My House Where My Daughter’s Ghost Can’t Find Me
We never let Cassie into the basement when she was alive because of the rat infestation, but once the crowdfunding came together for her funeral costs we were finally able to fix up that chintzy paneling and afford a decent exterminator. Now, I’ve got the recliner and my Playstation down there...
Read MoreDiagnosis: I'm Not Michael Phelps
“Bridges. Clay Bridges,” I told the suave doctor. What a mistake that was. I should have known better to interrupt the good doctor. Worse yet, who was I to question the authority and intelligence of the world-famous Dr. RJ Shafty (MD)?
Read MoreWait, how’d you get in my house?
Listen, I don’t wanna be weird but I just noticed you were in my house and I find that kind of weird. How did you get here? Was it the window? The door? I live in a small house that is very high. I will assume you came in through the door...
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