Some hot takes, unless the biological wrath of God reaps what it hath sewn.
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Directions To My House
Your GPS is going to want you to get on the parkway but that really makes no goddamn sense. The best way is to take a right onto front street and then keep driving until dawn. You will be offered a chance to save your loved one by the ghost of your ex business partner Phillip Marley...
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6 Spots In My House Where My Daughter’s Ghost Can’t Find Me
in Kids, Listicle, Reflection, Social Topics
We never let Cassie into the basement when she was alive because of the rat infestation, but once the crowdfunding came together for her funeral costs we were finally able to fix up that chintzy paneling and afford a decent exterminator. Now, I’ve got the recliner and my Playstation down there...
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Horoscopes by Anthony Bourdain
Pisces:You’ve been listening to too much of that new-age folk bullshit music, Pisces. Pull yourself together and jam out to some serious rock-and-roll. Guns and Roses. The Ramones. Iggy Pop..
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The 12 Supernatural Creatures You’ll Date (Before One Kills You)
in Dating, Listicle, Recreation
We’ve all been there: young, full of human organs and soul that make you irresistible to your standard supernatural creature...
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12 Bitchin' New Holidays Enacted By President Obama In The Dead Of Night
in America, Holidays, Listicle, News, Social Topics
As a final wink-and-nod to the American people he loves so much, President Barack Obama recently released a list of new national holidays set to take effect on January 2nd, 2017.
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10 Things We ALL Need to Try Before Summer's Over
Tire swings by the lake. Tire swings by the fuckin' lake, baby. Oh man. If you've ever wanted to feel like a descendant of Swiss Family Robinson, putting this one together is an absolute must. (The Swiss Family Robinson thing aside, club-footed folks are suggested to bring a friend. All folks are, but I've learned it's good to be inclusive). The steps are a little tricky, but we think most of you can handle it...
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An Open Letter to the 10 Exceptional Asteroids that I Once Loved
in Listicle, Reflection, Science
...but goddamn it, you were exactly the 503 by 407 by 370 inKilometers that I needed in the summer of 1849.
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Follow These 5 Easy Steps to Lasso the Moon for Your Lover
in Dating, Listicle, Social Topics
We all know this step. Here at Nonsense, we make the sex many much. Often to each other—it is awkward. So trust us.
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Six Things They Don't Have In Space
Believe it or not, there is simply no racism in Space. There is zero racism in Space. Sure, people are dicks sometimes, but there's not much you can really do about that.
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