Find your sign and feel my warm breath on your supple little neck sprouts!
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Party Blackout Allegedly Involved Alcohol-Induced Vomiting, Sbarro’s, And The Commuter Lounge Bathroom
Verbal evidence from my friends and some strangers seems to allegedly suggest that I vomited on a girl, rolled around in some beer, vomited again, and then passed out in the commuter lounge bathroom.
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Am I Really Responsible For Murder If Simon Said So?
Well, am I????
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Diagnosis: I'm Not Michael Phelps
“Bridges. Clay Bridges,” I told the suave doctor. What a mistake that was. I should have known better to interrupt the good doctor. Worse yet, who was I to question the authority and intelligence of the world-famous Dr. RJ Shafty (MD)?
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Wait, how’d you get in my house?
Listen, I don’t wanna be weird but I just noticed you were in my house and I find that kind of weird. How did you get here? Was it the window? The door? I live in a small house that is very high. I will assume you came in through the door...
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Choose Your Own Fucking Adventure: Space Edition!
You thought we were done with the ol’ CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE SECTION? I wish.
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The Footrace in Space
The long awaited Space Race was about to start. You know, THE Space Race. I’m talkin’ ships, and moondust, and cocaine filled Hollywood basements, baby! Yeah, that Space Race...
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ISS/ISIS Paradigm Shift
It’s time for coffee, I thought so I sprinted eighteen miles over to my neighbor’s farm. I found one of my neighbor’s cows and punched it to death for some good ol’ strawberry milk. Thick. Viscous.
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A Day in the Life of Elon Musk
12:10 Sue Nonsense for printing that.
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Six Things They Don't Have In Space
Believe it or not, there is simply no racism in Space. There is zero racism in Space. Sure, people are dicks sometimes, but there's not much you can really do about that.
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